somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
