I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
