Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
