My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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