If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
