Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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