really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
