Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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