i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
