I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
