I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
