I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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