Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
