apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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