Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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