i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
