god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize