i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
