cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
