Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
