Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
