I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
