so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
