Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
