it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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