so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You can't just leave with hair like that
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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