He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
