um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
