I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
