I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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