Kareoke will never be a sober sport
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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