five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
