You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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