We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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