it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
