Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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