Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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