Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i am craving dick and cupcakes
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
