I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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