I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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