hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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