They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
