i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
