Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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