I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
