I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
then he tried to convert me to islam
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
