i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize