You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
