Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
