Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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