you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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