paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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