true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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