so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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