I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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