i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
