She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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