i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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