i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
