I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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